


the man i'll never be

by lostin_space



Series: quick little doodles [110]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Communication, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 10:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24349477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: After finding out Sanders wanted to adopt him, Michael calls Alex for comfort.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: quick little doodles [110]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1441564
Comments: 14
Kudos: 137
Collections: Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes





	the man i'll never be

**Author's Note:**

> > _**anon prompt:** If you feel up to writing this, I’d really like to see a fic where Alex is helping Michael really process things because I think him crying after talking to Sanders is the first time he’s let himself feel things honestly, without a shield of anger, bitterness, and hopelessness, in quite awhile. Crying Michael needs a soft Alex. +1 for them ending up back together in this fic. *Offers virtual pie*_  
> 
> 
> title: the man I'll never be from daddy long legs 

“Alex?”

“Hey,” Alex said, looking over his shoulder to make sure no one was listening as he slipped into the bathroom to talk to him. They were both supposed to be at work after a long ass night and, considering it was early in the morning, Michael should’ve been there. But he could hear sniffling on the other end and that made Alex pay attention. “Is everything alright?”

“I… I don’t… Sanders, he, uh… _Fuck_ , Alex,” Michael said, voice cracking. Alex furrowed his eyebrows in concern, quickly making sure the bathroom was completely empty before locking the door behind him. 

“What happened? What’s going on? Are you okay? Is Sanders okay?” he asked. He could count on one hand how many times he’d heard Michael cry so openly. Three times. Once in the shed, once in Caulfield, once right now. He couldn’t take this lightly even if he wanted to.

“I don’t know,” Michael admitted, a sob coming from his end of the line. Alex’s heart broke a little more. He started trying to figure out what he could say to feign sickness in order to get to Michael sooner rather than later. “I don’t know anything.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Alex tried, though he didn’t know that. He didn’t know anything. “Are you safe?”

“I-I guess.”

“You guess? Are you bleeding or in imminent danger?” Alex asked. Michael took a shaky breath.

“No.”

“Okay,” Alex said softly, “Where are you?”

“Junkyard.”

“Anywhere you can sit down?” There was silence for a few seconds before there was a little bit of rustling and then Michael gave a little _hmph_ noise and Alex could picture him deciding to sit on the ground. “Okay. You’re okay.”

“Okay. I’m okay.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Alex asked. Technically, Michael had called him, but that didn’t mean he wanted to actually discuss what happened. Sometimes you just needed to know someone was there. 

But, with a shaky breath, Michael spoke, “Sanders wanted to adopt me. He tried twice, Alex. Someone wanted me and I wasn’t allowed to have it. Why can’t I have anything? Wh-why is everything taken from me?”

Alex quickly tried to unpack everything to come up with the most soothing response. Yeah, he definitely needed to say he was sick.

“Hey, you are allowed to have things, you are. You have Isobel and Max and Maria–all people that haven’t been taken from you,” Alex promised even though he hated it. Was it selfish that he wanted to be on that list? Was it bad that he couldn’t be?

Michael was still crying and Alex closed his eyes as he listened to it. Never once did he question why he was the one who had to listen.

“I-I could’ve had a family, Alex. I could’ve been good for someone,” he cried, “I could’ve been _good.”_

“You are good,” Alex insisted.

“No! I could’ve-could’ve gone to school, could’ve been a real teenager. I-I could’ve brought you home instead of going to that stupid fucking shed. We could’ve been so different.”

Alex’s mouth went dry and he tried to swallow, but it didn’t work.

“Do you wish we were different?”

“ _Yes,”_ Michael said, “God, yes. I-I hate this.”

Alex didn’t quite know what to say. What exactly did different mean? Did different mean they wouldn’t be around each other at all? Did different mean they’d be stable for a decade? Did different mean he could’ve had a husband the day it became legal?

Was it hot in here?

“You can’t dwell on what could’ve been,” Alex tried. That was the only reason he’d gotten by all these years. Thinking about _what if’s_ would’ve definitely gotten him to fail his psych eval. 

“But I _hate this,”_ Michael said, sounding just as drained as he was claiming, “I-I-I could’ve had a normal life. I could’ve… I never would’ve been a murderer.”

“You’re not a murderer,” Alex said firmly.

“Yeah, but… If I had somethin’ going for me, maybe I would’ve done better. Maybe I would’ve been better. Maybe we could’ve been better,” Michael said, sniffling violently, “Maybe… Maybe we could’ve-”

“Listen to me,” Alex began, voice steady, “We can’t change what happened. So we accept what did happen. Sanders didn’t adopt you, but he gave you a place to sleep some nights, didn’t he?”

“Yeah.”

“And he’s tried, hasn’t he?” 

“I-I guess.”

“And you have a family, Michael, one that loves you more than you’ll ever know,” Alex explained. Michael gave another harsh little sniffle.

“Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you come over after work?”

Alex licked his lips and told himself that he should say no. That was a ridiculously bad idea. But he heard his little sniffles and imagined him all desperate and soft. He didn’t get those moments often. Maybe this was good. Maybe they could work on changing.

“Of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> as always, if i missed any tags, let me know
> 
> also on my Tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
